Along Came Stanley

Really, I love the beautiful dog! But there's a lot of lifestyle changes that are coming to light- No more meeting people randomly for dinner after work, or heading down to Olympia for the dance classes before the dance, or sleeping in on any given weekend. And the biggest change in my "plans"... no more mini cooper. I know, I know, Stanley could fit in the cooper with the backseats down, but that's not realistic, and I wouldn't be able to carry anything else in the car- even if I got the clubman, his bed wouldn't really fit!

How funny is it- I've been pining for a mini since April, and in less than one week I have completely resigned to the fact that I need an SUV or a cross over.

Speaking of Stanley, he's asking to go outside one last time before b-e-d. (I have to spell it, otherwise he pounces onto my bed like Tigger)

I'll have to finish my thoughts later...

Stinker of a Dog!

This cracks me up- Stanley will stare at the fire for a good 20 minutes, then shift positions, and stare some more! I'm not sure if he's never seen a fire before, or if he's just a little mezmorized by it all.



I'm going to cut out on OT early today and look for a puppy sweater for my big baby- he gets SOOO cold when we go outside right now, and he does NOT like being wet, not at all. He's got such short, thin hair, I don't blame him! He does have a bad habit of belly crawling on the (cheaper) apt carpet in my condo, which then gives him a nice raspberry rug burn on his chest. *sad face* I'm not sure how to resolve that just yet.



I've learned that he is just a huge cuddle bug when he's sleepy, and he's just like a stinkin' toddler- he fights it when he starts to yawn, tries bouncing around Tigger-style, tries to roll around on his back, tries to get me to get into the fridge, last night he was even convinced he wanted to go outside- we walked all over the Home Depot parking lot, up and down every isle twice. As we got started I said "Stanley, you ready to go home?" and he just looked at me and then looked back to the isle we were walking on. By about half way I said it again and he turned, ready to walk back home. After that the grumpy guss stood right by the red chair looking between it and me... I gave in, put his "blanket" (my plush green towel) on the chair and let him hop in while I did some dishes and cleaning, and he was content.

It is so much fun learning his quirks and personality, and yes- I realize that I'm talking about my dog as much as people talk about their kids, but- who cares- he's new, and funny, and I want to share it with you all! *grin*

Meet Stanley!

Isn't he precious?!

We survived our first night without incident! I was even able to drown out the poor puppy's snoring, which I'm pretty sure could wake the dead.

Stanley is a 3 year old Stafforshire Terrior (aka Pit Bull) and his prior owners trained him well and spoiled the heck out of him- I can tell the latter by the fact that he thinks he owns my red chair and that the pillows on my bed are for him... and honestly, I don't have the heart to kick him off right now. (that, and he bounds off of things, so his dead weight hitting the floor at 5:45am would not make my downstairs neighbors very happy)

Once he got into the red chair, he fixated on my birthday balloons- I could barely get him to look away for a picture, and even then I think he was mad at me because I took away his squeaky toy... it gets him really excited, and I didn't think that'd be good at 10pm. Maybe I'll let him play with it when I get home today. He knew exactly what to do, and would almost head butt it with his nose on the squeaky end! He sits, stays-ish, shakes your hand almost every time he sits! He lays down, backs up, knows "kennel up" and kind of knows how to heal when on a leash with a training collar or harness.

He's such a little lover-boy, giving kisses like crazy! My goodness, I don't think I've ever had a dog lick my face this much! It makes me a little leary, the reputation of the breed... but he just looks so vulnerable when he's all curled up sleeping, his paws chasing his dreams. He has a little bit of kennel cough that we're working to clear up, doggy bronchitis, and other than that, he's healthy!

We survived our first morning outing, he did all the appropriate bodily functions, checked his pee-mail, and even found a little bone that someone's tiny dog left in their "yard". I was worried that he'd choke it down, or growl when I tried to take it, but he let me reach right up to his mouth and take the bone away! Major indicator of a dog with a gentle disposition- he'll let you take things he wants from his mouth. Also, he'll let you play with his food when he's eating, and he'll let you play with his mouth, paws, and ears when he's sitting/laying down. The only time he made a peep was when he was bouncing around at my feet last night and I accidently stepped on his paw. He immediately rolled into a submissive possition, belly up, and looked at me like it was his fault for getting in my way. I proceeded by getting right down on the floor with him and giving him the best belly rub I'm sure he's had in a long time!

I can't tell you how relieved I am at how well trained he seems to be, and how well he's house trained. For some reason I am afraid he won't like me, which is stupid, because I already know he does... but still, it's just a tiny fear I have... I just want to do right by him. I want to be able to keep him well exercised, I want to be able to keep him well mannered, and I want him to be able to socialize decently with people and dogs, so if I take him somewhere- even on a walk on any trails or in neighborhoods here- I don't have to worry about him getting away from me and hurting anyone. It's the reputation of the pit that's feeding these fears... I'll just have to work with him, make sure we prove to everyone how gentle he is!

Okay- time to get ready for work.... as much as I'd like to sleep some more, I can't. I am thinking that we can sleep till 5:30am tomorrow though. (of course, I was so nervous and anxious to see how everything would go that I woke up at 2am, ready to take him out. He, of course, was fast asleep on his doggy bed next to my bed. He's adopted my giant green, soft-as-can-be bath towel.)

Wednesday Wonders

I haven't written one in a little while!!!

I wonder why I haven't been as inspired? Or maybe I've just been too crazy-busy to stop and breathe/blog for a few minutes... as I'm running out the door.

Promise- more to come. :-)

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Okay- my wonder today- or wonders-

1)When will my downstairs neighbors move OUT already! Incase you haven't read FB, she's asking me to wake up after 6am and go to sleep well before 11pm because my stomping and pounding around forces them to be on my sleep schedule. HA! I'm not going to hash this out anymore, I'm just ignoring the 2 page letter. My landlord was very reassuring in this matter, said I don't have to worry about anyone filing any reports or anything, that he has my back on this.

2)The more exciting wonder, when do I get to bring Stella home?! She's the most precious little blind cocker spaniel ever, and I started the adoption process yesterday! Or, er, about 12:43am this morning. (when I was very tempted, but refrained from, jumping or tripping or dropping things to be as loud as I was accused of being) -- but back to Stella!!! I am so excited to have this all go through, I'm praying so much for everything to work out. *grin* People say that it'll be hard having a disabled dog, but I don't think that's true- I think it will be an adjustment for both of us, but I have every bit of faith that she will be able to function as a regular dog just fine. After all- people have learned to do fine with out sight, have they not? Animals adjust and adapt just like any other living organism!!! *big cheesy grin*- that's all that's been on my face since I submitted the application last night!

The Song Remembers When

This song by Trisha Yearwood speaks such truth for me- just when I think that I'm good and done with something a song will come on and- BAM -I'm pulled right back to where that song had me at the time I remember it last.

Of course, with November and birthdays and such, it's not quite a song but a smell- a time of year- the chill in the air- that brings me back to two very painful memories; Sean and David. Sean, is not as painful of a memory because, looking back, I see that we learned from each other, he saw that we weren't meant to be together, and made a decision that ended up being best for both of us... What's painful about that memory is the reminder of how much I loved him and how much my heart ached when he broke up with me. But I don't feel like he's missing from my life, and I don't wonder what might have been.

The other painful memory that haunts me is David. And that's not even a romantic-he-broke-my-heart memory, really. I mean, we all know I crushed on him sooo bad, but I got over that years ago. And it's not even really a memory that has me upset, it's the tiny little hole that I just can't seem to fill after he did what he did, and then made such a mockery of me, of everything. As much as I try not to think about it- EVER -I still wish he could be here for this, or that I could pick up the phone and call him for that, or that I should send him a Christmas card, or apologize for standing my ground and telling him that I'm worth more than how he treated me, that I really didn't mean it and I want him to be my friend again. Of course, this is when I realize that he did mention that he never wanted me as a friend, and then I get all pissed off at him again.

I wish that there was a Hatian (like in the TV series Heroes) who could just pull out that thread of memory from my mind, my heart, and my soul - life would be so much easier if I could just never- EVER -think of David again. Especially around times when we shared so much joy. I will never understand how someone can do what he did and live with himself, especially as a Catholic, since guilt is part of our genetic make up, and especially as someone who wants to be a priest. How can he live with causing someone so much pain?

Anyway. I have to get ready for the day, it's a busy one. As I count down the days until my birthday there's a part of me that is trying really hard to convince the rest of me to break down and email or write to David, invite him to come to my birthday party, rebuild that bridge I told him was closed- not burned- but closed. *heavy sigh* But I won't. I can't. I need to respect myself more than that. I can very easily understand why the battered wife goes back to the husband who beats the hell out of her... there's a past, there's a history, there's the memory of the joy you had together, and the fact that you know he really does love you on some level otherwise he never would have had all those wonderful memories with you... and he said he'd never do it again, and he said that he was sorry.... although David never apologized, he never even mentioned it, he just ordered his coffee and played on his laptop like anyone else at Starbucks.

(and this is the voice of reason, coming in to kick my heart back into shape and do its best to patch that hole in my soul)

He battered my soul and I still want him in my life?!? What's wrong with me?! I wish I could step outside of myself to comfort me and have a conversation with me, tell myself what I tell other friends when someone has crushed them, be there to help put myself back together and get back on with life. I help put other people back together, I am strenghth for other people when they feel weak and weary, why can't I be that for myself?

Looking back on the last 30 years, reflecting on everything that's happened in the course of my life so far, there's just one regret- David. All of those "good times", all of those memories are not worth the pain he has caused me. When a person's soul is shattered, it never gets put back together the right way, there's always a piece or two that stays missing.