Blind Faith

Wow- so, I will elaborate on this most later, most likely at lunch... since Brian chatted my break away. *wink*

Ok, back to my blog now, at 7pm... make tha 7:30. I don't think I could ever get used to the late shift as a permanent shift!

This morning, in the parking lot of the Supermall, a mom and her daughter- maybe 3 years old- were trotting through the parking lot towards their car, trying not to get too wet. The little girl kept grunting and stumbling as she was running as fast as her little legs could carry her, and her mom- concerned- looked back, stopped and said, "Oh, honey, you can't even see!" The little girl's head was nodding under a cozy fleece hat that was just a tad too big. It had fallen down over her eyes as she started to run next to her mom and just kept running, hand in hand, trusting her mother completely. It was so precious. And then it made me think...

When was the last time I trusted anyone- diety or of-this-earth- enough to put my hand in their's and run blindly? Have I ever trusted anyone that much? At Burn Blue last night I had to concentrate on trusting Orville- of all people!!!- in a counterbalance exercise, and that's dancing with a lead who I would trust to never drop me, but for the longest time I couldn't NOT take a step back in anticipation of needing to catch myself. I'm sure I trusted my parents when I was young, but I haven't felt that secure- even in myself- for a very long time. And again, that made me think...

How hard must it have been for my grandmother, in her last stages of life, to put her faith in my parents and myself? With dimentia she saw white floor as a black hole and yet she followed us hand-in-hand on the white colored floor in kitchen, she trusted us to sit her on the white toilet, to put her in the white shower... granted, it was a struggle sometimes, and she yelled as she did it, but she did it. She knew that we loved her and would never hurt her and she put her trust in us.

She put her trust in God that very same way. Looking back on her life, it was enough to break ANYONE. So many times it looked like she was staring a black hole in the face, and yet she put her hand in God's, closed her eyes, and trusted Him to take care of her.

I was there once, a long time ago. I remember the first time I felt that I couldn't trust that blind faith... it scared me, and I vowed to never doubt in God's existence again, but I never recovered, I have never been able to completely let go and put my faith back in God blindly. I always peek, I always hold just a little bit back, even if it only gives me the illusion of control.

Oh, to be so innocent again, to be able to put your hand in the one you trust, close your eyes, and take those first steps, get past the fear, and even jog if you have to, knowing the entire time that you were perfectly safe...