In-a the Blues

That's what Nonna would call it, when she wanted to say she was feeling blue.

I don't know what else to say, more fragments of thoughts than what I can put into words right now.  I think I get this way every year around my birthday and the new year.  Times of reflection, right?  I reflect upon my life and wonder what I've done, what I'm doing, and where I'm heading from here....

Well, the majority of this last year was a big F&%* up with JJ, but I'm cutting my losses and living & learning.... *shrug*sigh*  I think, what's been most painful coming out of this whole JJ mess is realizing that people moved on when I became less available, which is logical, but still hurts.  When Sean and I broke up, almost 10 years ago now (?) the Sex & the City series was what got me through, they were my "girls" in everything, helping me to see that even skinny, pretty women struggle with the dating challenges I was experiencing.  This time around, it's been my parents and my second job.  And school.  Keeping myself insanely busy.  But now I find that I'm not so sure I want to be so busy.  I miss my friends.  I know I dropped off the face of the earth when JJ and I were together.  I realize now how he did so well to isolate me so I depended on him, that I alienated my friends for 7 months, and I have to deal with that.

I don't know that I can feel good about the last 12 months, when I look back.  I can only hope that moving forward will be a hell of a lot better.