It's how I feel about David. The hole he left in my heart still aches, there's at least one or two things I wish I could tell him every single day. I can't believe it was almost 7 years ago now. Almost as long as I'd known him.
What's your take on "Soul Mates"? Mom and I were talking about this, and I feel, in my heart-of-hearts, that David was mine. Nobody I've ever met has made me feel as complete as he did. And we were never even involved romantically! We still have mutual friends on facebook, and it's so hard to see him randomly pop up on my feed from time to time. Part of me wants to block him altogether, but every now and then I like to look at his pictures, see what he's up to, know that he and his family are still doing well. It wasn't just losing him, his sister and I were good friends too, and his parents and I talked a bit too. And then there's times when I want to unfriend everyone of my mutual friends, because I don't want him to see me popping up on his feed either... but then I realize, based on the harsh words in his horrible email, he could care less. And it's not worth it to me to lose contact with the handful of mutual friends just because my heart still aches at the loss of him, seven years later.
My subconscious has been torturing me with wonderful feel-good dreams, that David and I stayed friends, that we still talked every week, that he'd come up or I'd go down & share hours of laughter... and then I wake up, feeling as hurt, as angry, and as raw as I did when I read his words, "You were never really my friend."
Hours, days, months, years of prayer have not helped me to forget or to heal, I just hide it very deep and try to move forward...
"Heart, we will forget him!
You and I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.
When you have done, pray tell me,
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! Lest while you're lagging,
I may remember him!"
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