Wednesday Wonders

Okay, not much else on my mind right now, just two things- 1)I wonder if I will be able to keep my back from spasming again and 2)I wonder what adventures SPAIN will bring!!!

Now I'm going to crawl into bed... sleeping pain free is such a thing that we often don't appreciate until it's taken away from us.

*sigh*

My Horoscope:

Scorpio
The Moon's return to your sign isn't always an easy process, for you feel even more strongly, which can be overwhelming to those close to you. But it's probably even harder work to hide your emotions and you don't have enough energy to even attempt to do that now. It can be an intensely charged afternoon when secrets are shared and intimacy can be achieved if you are willing to show your vulnerability.

Ha! If you could read the pages in my journal, the last 4 are all about my emotions and not having strength and energy to keep them in check, and how intensely charged I'm feeling by keeping everything bottled up inside, but I can't afford to show vulnerability!!! And that was before I read my horoscope! I always say I don't really believe in the stars having answers, and I usually only read it for entertainment purposes, but then there's times like this when it reaffirms the subject in which I've just finished conversing with myself over.

I debated on whether or not to post this on my regular journal or my inspirational journal, so it's here by default for now, and may migrate later...

Maybe God uses those horoscopes when we need a good knock upside the head?

Lately I've been battling my Self. This is nothing new, to any of you who actually read my blogs. Am I good enough at this, am I pretty enough or skinny enough to be loved, or is loving simply good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I skinny enough? Do I deserve to be loved? Do I deserve to have such wonderful things happen to me? Do I deserve to have gifts and talents given to me from God that just lie in wait, hoping that I'll dig deep and pull them back up from the depths to which I'd banished them?

I need to start believing that I am. There's a phrase from SARK's books ~ I have enough ~ I do enough ~ I AM ENOUGH. Somehow I need to get myself to believe this. It's been my mantra, but it always makes me feel more indignant and full of sarcasm than it does bring comfort.

Anyways- as my horoscope says, I will have a problem maintaining control of my emotions if I let myself get too vulnerable... this is all the brain dump you get for right now...

Wednesday Wonders

What to say, what to say... what wonders come with this Wednesday?

*giggle* that's a goofy little rhyme, but I like it!

Today I spent most of the day sleeping and curled into the fetal position- 24 hour flu bug had me down for the count. I don't know that I actually have a wonder to write about today! I'm trying to figure out twitter, just because I can.

Really, the wonder that I've had running circles in my head, well more like twirling around in my head, is about my birthday this year.... what to do, what to do!

Love Thy "Self"

So many times I help others to learn to love and accept themsleves, but it's really a challenge for me. I hold myself to incredibly high standards, standards that nobody could ever attain!

Email inspirational thought:

"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."-- Sydney J. Harris

Why don't I think I'm worth of loving myself?

Mom and I were talking about this the other day- it has a whole lot to do with how mean kids were in elementary, junior high, high school, and sadly, even in college. I just let people treat me the way they did, rarely stood up for myself, because- at the time- I didn't think it was worth it... or I was worth it. Mom reminded me of one time, was it 5th grade???, when she witnessed some of the kids picking on me after school. She said "Why don't you just tell them to leave you the f&%k alone?!" And I said through sniffles "Because it might hurt their feelings."

Holy SMOKES?!?! I was more concerned about hurting them than about how they had hurt me?! This behavior went on up through college. I mean- I slowly learned to not let people walk all over me, but every now and then it happened. The crappy part is that as I got older, and it happened less and less, when it did happen, it hurt me that much worse because it was the friends I thought I could trust that really did the most damage.

The questions now become- How can I re-learn the treatment of my SELF? I'd like to say that I know my friends now wouldn't do these mean and terrible things to me, but sadly it happened again -twice- just a year ago. Now- the reaction of my peers when this happened was significantly different- you all rallied around me, which was new. I'm really working on keeping myself opened and telling myself every day that I am worth your love and affection!

Amongst my goals of losing weight, playing guitar, piano, and prayer, I am adding "Love thy Self". It's okay to love Me!!! I think that the hardest thing to do is acknowledge this, but I have acknowledged it.... now it's time for me to believe it!

Wednesday Wonders

This one's all about me! :-P

I'm down 10lbs, and I wonder if I can keep up this weight loss... there's about 20lbs that I keep losing and finding again, and I'd really like to lose it for good, and then some!!!

I've found it has really helped to cut down my calorie intake by switching to diet coke... *cringe* But it's not so bad if it's cherry, or lime, or if I add some lemon juice (or rum?) to it. I've been killin' my munchies cravings at work by keeping some sunflower seeds at my desk, and walnuts. Walnuts are supposed to be REALLY good for your hair and nails, so I'm eating about a cup of those a day.

Keeping a steady sched at the gym has been my biggest challenge, and cheese has been my biggest weakness. My mom gave me a book- Twenties Girl- and that's going to be my workout book- walk on the treadmill or eliptical and read, that way I lose track of time- 45 min will FLY by, and I'll make sure to hit the gym every day so I can find out what happens next!

Okay- my break's almost over, I'm off to find a healthy lunch- probably a salad from Nordstrom's Cafe.

Until next week, or my next musing, which ever comes first...

*sigh*

... today it was really hard to get out of bed...

(that's all I've got for right now)